A word about the name...

So, the name of my blog comes from a "poem" I wrote. I'm learning to be hesitant in using the word poem. It tends to mean a number of things to everyone. Anyway, the blog is named after the poem, which I consider a decent summary of my life; including the fact that the poem is not that good. Here's the poem:

I actually exist
somewhere between
What I desire
and
what I am
Where what
I Could Be
meets
all that I’m not
There stand two CON-men
CONVICTION
and
contradiction

CONVICTION stands
Poised, confident
He speaks
They listen
He captivates
Provokes
Inspires
Creates

contradiction
slumps, sighs
he whispers
of tomorrows
and laters
denies
repeats
lies

A non-cosmic
uneternal
debate
A satire
of human potential
and failure
A simultaneous
Revolution and surrender
The first and last shot
in my unepic upheaval
my unShakespearean non-tragedy

If you read it and hated it, I warned you it wasn't good. If you didn't read it, you didn't miss much. Suffice to say, this is what this blog is aiming at: conviction and contradiction. I care about things and I'm moved by things and I want to change and grow as long as I'm alive. Problem: I constantly contradict myself, either logically, affectively, or even just in my everyday course of actions. This is not to say I'm unhappy; far from it. But something is in the way, and hopefully this blog will orbit this problem and develop into some insight.

And you know, I'm finding this is everywhere. I feel like a lot of people will resonate with the struggle I'm putting forward here. It's not a question of happiness or contentedness or fulfillment or something like that. It's wholeness; bringing together that inexpressible longing and the fat, stupid couch potato I've become.

This might be about human potential. This might be about connecting or re-connecting with God in some way. I don't know, and for now that's the point: I'm on this journey, and I thought I'd share with whoever happens by.